Harder to Breathe
by fssquiggles
Summary: Bonnie Bennett finds power, dark, evil power, and decides that enough is enough. She is sick and tired of being pushed around by everyone and anyone. She will fight for herself and only herself, no matter where it takes her. Sort of dark!Bonnie. Oneshot.


**title:** _Harder to Breathe_  
**author:** _fssquiggles_  
**warnings:**_ Mild cursing and one f-bomb. Angst everywhere as well as me being passive aggressive about the way everyone treats Bonnie. And dark!Bonnie or something. If you squint you might see Bamon actually_.  
**disclaimer:** _The Vampire Diaries is the property of the CW and L.J Smith. And I don't own any of the characters._  
_Highly influenced by "My Love" by Sia. Enjoy!_

* * *

**1. A White Lie**

She stares at Elena Gilbert, her determined expression, her wide brown eyes (like a deer in headlights, Bonnie thinks) and can't help but feel bitter. She wants to help Elena (they are basically sisters, for God's sake) but Bonnie wonders how much she has to lose in order for Elena to gain. This could go on for forever (Bonnie _knows _this, she knew it from the very beginning) and she wonders if she can do this any longer, this showing up and whisking away of every single problem Elena (and, as an extension, the Salvatores) got into. She refuses to be a tool, and she wonders if that is exactly what she is becoming.

"Bonnie?" Elena watches her with such hope, such _naïve _sincerity, that Bonnie seriously questions whether Elena ever notices anything other than her love life. Bonnie frowns at her thoughts (she's just like you, she wants to and needs to protect the ones she loves, Bonnie reminds herself, _reprimands_ herself)

Elena looks worried. "Are you okay?" Bonnie studies her best friend (of so many goddamn years) and wants to know why she can't notice that no, nothing is _okay_; nothing has been okay for months, _years_ maybe.

Bonnie forces a grin. "I'm fine, Elena, perfectly fine." Bonnie quickly decides that now is not the time. She has a town to save and asses to kick. "What do you need me to do?"

Elena smiles gratefully.

* * *

**2. Mask**

"Bonnie, you're back."

Bonnie turns, tilting her head at the familiar voices. Her two best friends, her sisters, watch her happily, almost reproachfully, and Bonnie is reminded that they _know_ (of course, they know) that she protected Klaus. She doesn't know if they know _why_, but Bonnie really doesn't care anymore.

She spent months trying to find a cure, months dabbling with dark magic, _months_ busting her ass off trying to somehow fix things, until one day everything seemed to click.

Something about having power, something about her anger (that she was the last to know about Elena's change, that everyone seemed to blame her for switching Klaus and Tyler when she was just trying to _protect_ them), something inside of her just _changed_.

And she was sick and tired of being pushed around by everyone and anyone. She was just sick and _tired_.

She eyes Elena and Caroline with half amusement and half apprehension.

It was time to take off the damn mask and show the world what she really looks like.

* * *

**3. Illusion**

They are disgusted with her, she thinks to herself, as she waits for her team to arrive. Except for Elena. Bonnie rolls her eyes, Elena thinks she can save everyone, but she doesn't seem to realize that Bonnie doesn't need saving.

Bonnie laughs because, nowadays, everything seems like a big, infinite joke.

"Bonnie?" Bonnie glances up. Her team consists of four witches she had tracked down when she was supposed to be looking for a cure. She had found more, but she knows that a lot of witches didn't like the idea of getting involved in the supernatural unless they were absolutely obligated to.

"You're late." Bonnie accuses, crossing her arms. "If we're going to do this, then we have to do this _right_."

One of the girls, Faye, rolls her eyes, "We would have been here sooner, if it hadn't been for the fact that we had to _trek through the forest_."

"In the _dark_," Melissa adds, crossly.

Bonnie rolls her eyes and smiles, "Okay, sorry about that, but, trust me, it's necessary. We can't have them figuring anything out about you guys. Not yet, anyway."

"We're keeping up the illusion, if that's what you're asking."

* * *

**4. Exploit**

Bonnie decides that she enjoys inflicting pain on them, _especially_ on Damon Salvatore_, _to her surprise. She wants him to feel as much pain as she does. She wants him to feel like his life is nothing but a toss of a coin. She doesn't want him to die; she wants him to _suffer_. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

He looks at her with dark, bottomless eyes, and she can _feel_ the smirk before she sees it. "I've been thinking, Witch. Are you faking all this? Because for your sake, I really hope you are."

She gives him a smirk of her own, "Are you _threatening _me, Salvatore? Because for your sake, I really hope you aren't." She narrows her eyes, causing him to wince. Ah, magic was definitely the best.

He laughs, short, breathless, mocking, "You're a clever one, aren't you? Although revenge really doesn't seem to suit you."

"Lovesick doesn't really suit you either." Bonnie relishes the effect of her words, the way it causes him to stiffen ever so slightly.

"Who says I'm lovesick?" He asks, defiantly. Bonnie studies him, leaning forward so they are at eyelevel.

"Tell me, Damon. Does it hurt?"

His eyes snap up, "What?"

She tilts her head to the side, smiling, "Does it hurt to know that the girl you love doesn't love you back? That it's happened _twice_ already?"

She finds satisfaction in hurting him, in pushing his buttons, she now knows. "I will kill you, Bonnie," He spits out.

He hasn't called her by her actual name for a long time. She smiles, the magic inside her itching to come out, and purses her lips, "No, Damon. I don't think you will."

She walks away, and closes her eyes, his words sticking with her.

* * *

**5. Dahlia**

"Are you two here to kill me?" Bonnie asks, still flipping through the book of spells in her lap.

"Do you plan to kill us?" Bonnie doesn't answer and Caroline sighs. They sit across from her and Bonnie can't help but feel nostalgic. Why else would she come to this spot anyway?

They sit in silence until Bonnie can't stand it any longer. She slams the book shut, "What do you two want?"

"Do you remember when we used to come here all the time?" Elena asks, softly, running her fingers through the grass.

Bonnie grimaces, bringing herself to her feet. "If you think you can win me back with happy memories, then you're sadly mistaken."

Caroline rips a flower from its roots and begins to meticulously shred it into tiny, tiny pieces. She sounds sad, "We need to win you back somehow, right, Bon?"

Bonnie softened at her words, "I made a vow to get rid of vampires, Caroline."

"Even your best friends?"

"Sacrifices need to be made."

"Like your own mother?" Elena cuts in.

Bonnie looks away. Abby had begged her to do it, but nobody else knew that. "Especially my own mother."

Caroline just looks at her and Bonnie scoffs, "Vampires are the reason why everything has become so fucked up, Caroline." Caroline nods, almost absentmindedly (Bonnie knows she's trying to hide the hurt), before walking away.

Elena follows, still as doe-eyed as ever, and Bonnie wonders if there is some kind of symbolism to their retreating backs. She looks down at the shredded flower, a dahlia, and laughs at the irony. Dahlias stood for love, bonds, _forever_. (All of which they didn't have. Not anymore.)

* * *

**6. Honesty Is Overrated**

She watches Klaus turn to ash before her, before she is thrown across the room. She oulls herself to her feet, allowing the pulsing haze of magic to consume her, and flings her attacker crashing through a wall or two. She watches her attacker burn, burn with grief and turmoil etched across her face.

She stands before the pile of ashes and observes the chaos before her. She observes _their_ broken faces. Elena is crying over Stefan (who she probably thinks is dead) and Bonnie feels the urge to kill her, kill all of them.

But she doesn't.

She doesn't for the same reason she killed the Originals and hybrids, for the same reason she never bothered telling them that she disconnected the bloodlines, for the same reason she only brutally injured the Salvatores (even after they killed Diana).

Elena scrutinizes her through tears and blood, "Why aren't we dying?"

Bonnie feels tired. All her magic is gone; all her hatred is gone. She turns away and tends to her team, her fellow witches.

"Bonnie!" Damon is shouting, although he's half-dead and still healing. "You said we would die."

She shrugs, because what else is she supposed to do. "I lied."

* * *

**7. Doubt**

Bonnie knows they can never truly go back to how things were before, so she decides to leave. She doesn't truly hate them, but she doesn't love them either. This place holds too many memories (nightmares, really) that she can't live with, not anymore.

(It felt like lifetimes ago that she had vowed to kill vampires, but she doesn't think she _knows_ how to do anything else.)

Damon leans against the doorframe with a curious expression, "So that's it. You're just going to leave and become a vampire hunting vigilante?"

She nods, amused at the term. "If I see any of you again, I _will_ kill you. So don't bother me."

He smirks, "Don't tempt me, Bonnie."

She glares, for old times sake, and pushes past him. Damon Salvatore was always good at ignoring her, so she doubts he'll actually listen to her advice this time.

Without a single glance back and a lighter heart, Bonnie leaves Mystic Falls.

* * *

**a/n Done. Okay so I'm practicing using different tenses, and I hope it wasn't too confusing.**

**Also yes Secret Circle witches.**

**Reviews are lots of ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.**


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